Bunny Be Mine
by i-digress
Summary: By now Buffy should be careful what she wishes for. Starts during Entropy - WIP
1. Default Chapter

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Disclaimer - don't own any of them (ok, I came up with Koya but she's not around for long) and so all kudos to Joss Whedon et al.

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A/N - this starts during Entropy so I guess there are spoilers up to the end of that episode, but it's not really cannon so…

And thanks as always to Trisha.

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Bunny Be Mine - chapter 1

"Oh…oh my god…" Buffy felt sick.

There, on the computer screen for all to see, were Spike's movements over Anya. Her hands****clutching his body to hers. Sex. On the table of the Magic Shop.

How? How did this happen? And why did Buffy care? Why did it hurt so much?

"Wow. That's…they're going at it like bunnies!" Willow was mesmerised.

Like bunnies…animals. They're animals. Spike's just an animal. Buffy had known but it still shook her.

She hated them.

"Like bunnies…like animals…that's what they are…that's what I should've understood. He's not human. He's a demon. All stamina, no decency. Like a machine. Yeah, he's like a non-stop Energizer bunny." It disgusted and disturbed her for reasons she didn't want to go into. And she couldn't look away. "Why does he get to look so human? He should look like the animal he is." Maybe then it would all be easier.

"You wish."

"Oh yeah." Buffy's response was heartfelt. But that hadn't sounded like Willow. "What?"

Buffy turned round to see a demon standing behind her, face ridged and veined. And smiling like it was Christmas.

"Wish granted."

*****

Anya was barely aware of who she was holding, who was above her, too caught up in finally having someone want her after so much rejection.

Spike was almost mindless, lost in the physical actions of being close to someone, anyone, after being pushed away and kept alone.

The moans and groans coming from both their throats as they tried to find comfort in each other were the only sounds in the darkened shop. The names they wanted to call out, the loved ones they wanted to touch weren't here. They made do and lost themselves in the false warmth of alcohol and sex.

Anya slid her hands up Spike's back, picturing broader shoulders and a longer body.

Spike kept his eyes closed, imagining hazel eyes and stronger muscles. Tried to feel Buffy's hands in his hair. Strived for a release that wouldn't come.

The fingers scraping at his scalp spoke of desperation. At least that was familiar.

In her mind's eye Anya saw dark locks twisting though her hands and held the image as she started moved****her palms over the curve of his skull, wanting to touch his face and open her eyes to a warm brown gaze. But it all felt wrong. The gel crisped curls, the fur…

The fur?

Anya's eyes flew open and she screamed.

****

"Hallie? I told you not to come back here." Buffy tried to keep one eye on the demon while still looking around for a weapon. Dammit, why did she keep everything either in the living****room or her bedroom? Shouldn't there at least be an axe in the dining room in case of emergencies? And maybe some Advil would be good 'cos she was developing a killer headache. On second thoughts, she was gonna need Percocet and lots of it. And why was Willow just sitting there, staring awe struck at the intruder? Hello, weapons would be kinda useful right now.

"Sorry, young lady. You've got the wrong demon. Honestly, being the Slayer you should be able to tell us apart. I'm Koya. I answer the call of warriors. Wouldn't find me anywhere near children. Horrible, whiney little beasts" She gave an unmistakable shudder of distaste. 

On closer inspection Buffy could see the difference. This Koya, or whatever she called herself, was taller than Hallie. And there were other differences, the hair and clothes. But the big one was her voice was much softer, less strident. Not that it didn't stop her from being irritating and in full need of slayage.****

"So not the point. What are you doing here? Make it quick 'cos you were just leaving. Head first through the window." There might not be a weapon nearby but hands-on violence was always an option.

Koya raised an eyebrow and gave a superior smile as she smoothed down the lines of her dress. The shifting of the demons facial ridges as her expression changed had an almost hypnotic effect on Buffy. She shook her head, trying to clear it of the haze that started building at the sight of the Magic Box Live Sex Show and had steadily increased with the presence of Koya. No way was the headache gonna shift with just a Percocet. Chances were that nothing short of decapitation would help now. Maybe decapitating the demon rather than herself would do the trick?

"No need to be testy. I heard your call and I answered. Just doing my job. And doing it very well I might add."

Buffy was outraged. "I never called anybody! See, been standing right here, all with the not calling."

"Oh but your soul cried out to me for vengeance on your lover who betrayed you." Koya looked smug as the Slayer tried to find words. All Buffy seemed to be able to manage was a fish impression and the occasional gasp.

"Buffy?" Willow's concerned voice broke the silence. "What's she talking about? What lover?" 

Willow's voice snapped Buffy back to reality. Less talk, more action. Always a good plan.

"Not now, Will. Got a demon to kill." Really, she was gonna have to start keeping that axe in here.

"Foolish girl." Koya turned her attention to the redhead. "The lover you've both been watching. And I must say he is rather delicious. I can see why Anyanka would want to take him for a spin. Much more appealing than that oaf she was going to marry. Although he did get her back into vengeance so he can't be all bad, I suppose." Koya took a moment to ponder the idea and then a look of distaste crossed her face. "What am I saying? The guy was a jerk. I'm surprised, though. It's not like Anyanka to fool around with someone who's taken." The demon tilted her head to one side as she returned to studying the Slayer.****

"Taken? What? No!! No taking of any kind. Uh**_-_**uh. Nope. Never happened." An axe would really put an end to all this talking. All this totally unnecessary talking. Maybe before Willow could ask-

"You've been sleeping with Spike?" Now Willow was really starting to worry. Buffy was through worry and out the other side.

"No. No no no no no no no." At Willow's disbelieving look Buffy's shoulders slumped. Oh crap. "Yeah. But not anymore. All over. No Spike…boinking for Buffy. It was bad…and…and evil. I got it under control. Anya's welcome to him, the ho."

"How strange. You say it's over,****yet your call was so strong." Why wouldn't this demon let it go already? Buffy had already been humiliated and God knew when Willow would forgive her. If she ever did. "There was a definite possessiveness to it, all wrapped around that lovely feeling of betrayal. Are you sure it was over because it didn't sound like that to me when I heard you clear to New York. Not that it matters. You've got your wish so I'll just be going."

As the demon raised her arms to announce her disappearance, Buffy pushed her into a chair with a firm hand to the chest.

"My wish? What wish?"

"Ummm Buffy'?" She turned back to Willow and then looked to where the ex-wicca was pointing. The screen still showed the Magic Box still but where there had previously been the sickening sight of Spike and Anya making the beast with two backs, now she saw Anya running around screaming. And Spike looking stunned. She felt rather stunned herself. Rabbit ears kinda suited the blond vamp.****

****

"Oh bloody Hell, Anya! What the fuck did you do?"**** Spike glared at the panicked shopkeeper as he hesitantly scratched himself behind the ears. Damn, these things were itchy. Did they come complete with fleas or what?

"B…..b….b…aaaarrrrhhhhhhhggggg" Didn't look like he was gonna be getting much sense out of demon bird in the near future. His head was starting to ache from a combination of too much booze, far too much high pitched screaming and the additional weight his skull had suddenly acquired. It was proving a real effort just to hold his head up. His balance was shot to hell.

He could feel his control slipping. All the screaming was making his demon want to come out to play. He could really do with a spot of violence right now. Get rid of some of the fear that was starting to build up inside him.

*Right, Spike old son, just let it go. Maybe you can't wreak your wrath in the hallowed Scooby sanctum but no reason you can't have a good old fashioned roar. Might help take the load off.*

Spike dropped his head back and let the demon surge forth, opening his mouth to howl. All that came out was a high pitched squeal that rivalled Anya's and pierced his eardrums. Which didn't do much for his headache. Or his temper.

"What the hell is going on here?" he yelled, licking lips that where suddenly dry with apprehension. Something else wasn't right. Where his tongue should have encountered the sharp points of his fangs there was nothing. He moved his tongue further back in his jaw. Nope, no all powerful incisors. Tried running the tip back along his teeth to the front, just in case he'd missed them. And let out another unSpike**_(-)_**like squeal.

His front teeth, which normally nestled between his fangs and closer to his gum line, had lengthened and thickened. So much so that they now ended below his front lip.

He had bloody Bugs Bunny teeth!!!!

****

"Well, as I said, I really must be going. Enjoy your wish!" With a clap of her hands, Koya took the opportunity afforded by Buffy staring at the image of Spike to vanish.

"But I… dammit! Willow, did you hear me make a wish. Cos I sure don't remember it. No way would I make a wish. Hello, can you say 'the party that wouldn't end'? And she's gone! No answers for Buffy. This is so not good. And where the hell is Xander? Xander!!!"

As Buffy headed for the door of the dining room, yelling for the missing carpenter, Willow was still transfixed by the sight before her. It was kinda cool that Spike now had two sets of ears. If his hearing was better than human with just vamp ears, how much better would it be with the additional set? Would he let them run tests? See how he responded to dog whistles or if he could hear one of them calling him from the other side of town?

"Will, I can't find Xander. And Dawn's locked herself in her room. Guess she ran out after her glimpse of the Anya and Spike sexathon. I'm getting the idea that Xan went at the same time, cos I don't see him being quiet when there's a vengeance demon in the house. But I guess the shock might've shut him up. What do you think? And you know I didn't make a wish, right? I mean, why would I? No, there's absolutely no need for Buffy wishes. Why would there be? Nothing. Nada. Zip. Zilch."

Willow turned from her thoughts of empirical tests to stare, open mouthed, at her babbling friend. This was bad. Really bad. Buffy was in full on denial mode. Which meant there was something to deny. Was there more to this than the Spike… sex? And ewww. More than she was letting on? Was it really over?

"Buffy, are you still sleeping with Spike? 'Cos, I mean, if you are, no biggy. Well, way biggy. But I'm okay with it. Or I will be, you know, when I've stopped mentally wigging over the idea. I mean, Spike? You had sex with Spike? And you didn't tell me? Oh, hey, sorry. Not the issue right now. 'Cos if you are still sleeping with him then this…" she waved a hand at the screen in front of her "…this really sucks, what with the betrayal and all. You okay?"

The Slayer was slumped in a chair, head in hands. Willow couldn't tell if she was crying or just thinking big thoughts. As the redhead made a move to get up, Buffy raised her eyes to her friend's face. Buffy's expression was one of absolute exhaustion. As she started to speak a flicker of movement on the computer screen caught her attention.

So that's where Xander had got to.


	2. chapter 2

Many thanks to the wonderful Kumi for her assistance on this much delayed chapter.  
  
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Bunny Be Mine - chapter 2  
  
As Xander burst through the door of the Magic Box, battleaxe in hand, Anya threw herself at him. Her anger at him was forgotten for the moment and all she saw was someone who would save her from the bunny monster. She couldn't believe she'd touched its ears. How would she ever get her hands clean?  
  
"Oh thank God you're here! I touched it! It was horrible!"  
  
Xander held the sobbing woman, trying to make sense of her words. Was Spike a lousy lay? Did he ask her to do strange, perverted things? Did Xander really want to know what she'd touched? Maybe there was no need to be angry with Anya over this. Maybe he could take it all out on Spike. Oh yeah, he really liked the thought of that.  
  
He considered dropping the axe so he could hold Anya properly. He had doubted that he'd ever get the chance again. Hadn't been sure he'd wanted to when he saw...saw...God, he couldn't even think about it. But if the way Anya was clinging to him now was any indication, then she forgave him for hurting her. And she was regretting her activities with Bleach Boy.  
  
"Hey, An. It's okay. I'm here. Willy Wannabite's going down this time. I came prepared." Xander patted Anya's back with his free hand as he brought the axe into her line of sight.  
  
When she saw Xander's weapon, Anya suddenly calmed down.  
  
"You can't kill Spike."  
  
"What? But...he hurt you!"  
  
"Why do you think that? The only one who hurt me was you. No it was...was..." Anya couldn't control the fear that swept through her as she remembered exactly what had caused her panic.  
  
"B...b...b...aaaarrrrggggghhhhh!!!!!"  
  
"Anya? An? What's wrong?" Xander tried to get her attention as she ran round in circles, flapping her arms around like a demented chicken. What was going on with her? Maybe she'd gone insane or something. She was certainly acting like a mad woman. It would explain what the hell she'd been doing on the table with Spike. And where was the bleached pain in the ass anyway?  
  
"Wouldn't bother, Harris. She'll be doin' that for at least ten minutes. Then she'll sit in the floor shaking for a bit before she starts up again. Well, that's what happened before you turned up and the daft bint 'ad her moment of lucidity." Spike's voice came from the shadows between the table and the wall.  
  
Xander started towards the table, his eyes flicking from the place he thought was the source of the voice and Anya, who was still doing an impression of deranged poultry. Should he try and calm Anya down or just get on with introducing his axe to Spike's head? Hadn't Buffy's mom used an axe on Dead Boy junior once? Xander had a vague memory of Spike and Joyce getting kinda nostalgic about it. Joyce had been a lovely lady but her taste in guys just sucked. No pun intended.  
  
"C'mon out, Deadboy. Hiding is not gonna save your chipped ass this time. You are dust. You hear me? I don't know what you did to Anya and I guess I don't give a damn. Cos this has been a long time coming." Xander took a better grip on the axe as he waited for the vampire to show himself.  
  
From the darkness behind the table came the sound of movement. There was a stirring of the shadows and the minimal light in the shop showed a flash of white.  
  
"No need for threats, whelp, but you might give a vamp a chance to explain."  
  
As Spike stepped forward, Xander lifted the axe a little higher.  
  
"I don't want to hear it Spike. Just step up and take your dusting with a bit of dignity. You really are...what the f -"  
  
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"Willow, get Dawn. Meet me at the Magic Box. I've got to...I don't know what I've got to do. Stop Xander, I guess. This is so not of the good. Stupid vampire." As she was speaking, the Slayer ran in to the living room and raided the weapons chest for something pointy. Willow just hoped Buffy wouldn't have to use it. Before she had a chance to ask if Buffy had any idea what she was going to do about Spike and his new found rabbit ears the room was empty and the only sign of the Slayer's exit was the slamming of the front door.  
  
"Dawnie, sweetie, can you come down stairs? We've got to go. There's an emergency at the Magic Box." Willow had the feeling that getting Dawn out of the house wasn't going to be easy.  
  
She was right.  
  
"Ewww! No way! My eyes are still burning from seeing that...that..eww! I don't need to see the scene of the crime and watch them in action for real."  
  
It still amazed Willow that the teenager's voice could travel so clearly through a firmly closed door and down the stairs. She should have been used to it by now. She wondered if Spike's hearing allowed him to pick up Dawn's words from all the way downtown. The witch was sure the neighbours had caught every word. Hopefully they hadn't understood it though.  
  
It looked like she'd just have to go upstairs and get Dawn out of her room the old fashioned way. Brute force. After all, it worked for Buffy.  
  
So Willow started up the stairs with the intention of hammering on Dawn's bedroom door and dragging the sulking teen kicking and screaming out of the house. Only to stop half way as said teen came thundering out of her room and nearly knocked Willow over.  
  
"Why are you standing there? Don't we have to get to the Magic Box?" Dawn asked from her position by the front door.  
  
After a stunned moment Willow decided not to ask about Dawn's change of heart. Although the strange smile on the girl's face had her a little worried. As well as kinda wigged. Why did she have the feeling that Dawn's sudden eagerness to do as asked meant nothing but trouble? As if there wasn't enough trouble already.  
  
Oh well, no time to think about it now. They had a mutated vampire and a homicidal carpenter to separate.  
  
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Buffy raced down the streets of Sunnydale. Images and thoughts flashed through her mind. She couldn't work out which worried her more - the glimpse of Xander with axe in hand or the action replay of Spike, half dressed and fully occupied doing...well, things he shouldn't be doing.  
  
She couldn't stop the thoughts but she'd do her damndest to ignore them. Her mission was to prevent damage to the Magic Box. Yep, that was it. No concern for Spike. None at all. She was just keeping Giles from having to go through another refit. That's all. Because the rest of it really didn't matter. No sir. And it wasn't her problem. Uh huh. And why should she feel guilty just 'cos she knew better than to make wishes? Not that she had made any wishes. None. No way was she wish girl. That was her story and she was sticking to it. Even though no one had asked. But just in case.  
  
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"C'mon Willow! Hurry!"  
  
The witch was feeling breathless. Dawn wasn't as fast as her sister but she still had a lot more energy than a magic deprived Wicca. Willow knew it had been a bad idea to let Dawn have those extra cookies that afternoon. But she'd felt guilty for.something. Although she couldn't quite remember what. And this was her real atonement. Desperately trying to keep up with a teenager on a sugar high. And she still hadn't figured out why Dawn was suddenly so keen to get in on the action.  
  
But there was no time to think about it now. Her oxygen-depleted brain was struggling with the concept of one foot in front of the other. She'd leave working out the puzzle of Dawn's mind to Buffy. After all, it was her responsibility, right?  
  
"God, you are so slow! Willow, if we don't hurry, then I'll lose any chance of seeing Spike naked."  
  
Oh.  
  
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Xander had backed up against the shelves, a look of horror on his face, the axe lying on the floor where he'd unwittingly dropped it. Spike stood behind the table still, head down, desperately trying not to scratch his ears. He was starting to wonder if he had fleas. But at least the Whelp wasn't trying to brain him with the axe. Although right now? It might not be a bad thing.  
  
All the signs of a hangover from hell were making themselves apparent. A taste like day-old blood in the back of his mouth, the pounding in his temples, the feeling that his eyes were drying up in their sockets. None of which was helped by the fact that Anya was still breaking into high- pitched squeals every time she caught a glimpse of the mutated vamp. Spike felt like a bloody idiot. Even worse, he suspected he was starting to brood.  
  
What the fuck had happened? He couldn't understand any of it. Okay, so...he'd been feeling lonely and heartbroken over the Slayer. Nothing new there. And alcohol had been calling to him like siren song. And Anya had the alcohol. And understood the emotional crap. But still, he must have been really out of it to start shagging the girl. Not that she was bad looking. Not at all. But you don't shit where you sleep. And none of that explained the sodding ears! Had he unknowingly eaten a gypsy? Not likely. And certainly not recently. Tainted blood? Didn't think so. He'd been going to the same butcher for months now and the guy had a good rep. Couldn't use bad blood for spell casting and most of the guy's other customers were in the magic biz. Not many vamps had to go through the humiliation of bagging it. So what the fuck was going on?  
  
And one other thing was puzzling him...  
  
"Whelp, how did you know?"  
  
Xander looked shook his had, as if trying to clear his vision.  
  
"Know what? And did you know you had-" the brunette waved his index finger vaguely in the direction of the top of Spike's head.  
  
"Yeah, yeah. Trying a new style. Not my point. How did you know about the demon bird and me? You came in here all blood and thunder, tooled up and ready to take my head off. So you knew. And I want to know how." Spike considered going into game face but thought that the bone shift on top of the hangover might just send him to his knees in pain. And it didn't exactly scare the natives anymore.  
  
"We saw you. On Willow's computer. You and...Anya...on the table...doing...things." Xander dropped his head into his hands briefly before turning his attention to his whimpering ex. "Oh God, Anya, how could you?"  
  
At his words, Anya looked up at him, contempt clear on her face.  
  
"Why Xander! I didn't know you cared. It's so difficult to tell, what with you deserting me on my wedding day. What business is it of yours if I chose to share my body with a sexy, virile male who doesn't pretend to love me and then run off and humiliate me in front of everybody I know? I don't see how it is-"  
  
"Hey! People! So bloody sorry to break up your little heart to heart but got a problem here. Once you two get started we'll be here all bloody night. And there is no way in hell I'm gonna be stuck here with you two bickering till I start to shed my winter coat! Whelp, you said you saw us on Red's computer. Who exactly was 'we'?"  
  
All three heads turned towards the shop door as the bell rang out.  
  
"Well, gee, Spike. That 'we' would include me. What have you got to say for yourself this time?"  
  
For a moment Spike contemplated the woman silhouetted in the doorway.  
  
"Good evening to you too, Slayer."  
  
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"Ummmm...Dawnie? Not that I want to, y'know, er, slow you down or anything but...ummmm...Spike was fully dressed last I saw."  
  
The teenager stopped suddenly and turned towards Willow, disappointment warring with embarrassment on her face.  
  
"Geez, I was just...joking! Yeah, it was a joke. Like I'd wanna see Spike naked. No way! That's just...gross. Eww." Dawn was careful not to look directly at the witch but sneaked sideways looks from under her hair to see if Willow believed her. Didn't look like it.  
  
"Uh huh. Right. So why are we running?" 


	3. Chapter 3

A/N - thanks to Kumi, beta extraordinaire.  
  
Chapter 3  
  
"Spike, can you get your new girlfriend to shut up for five minutes? She's making my brain ache"  
  
Spike resisted the urge to tell Buffy that he was surprised she was laying claim to having a brain. She wouldn't take the comment kindly and it wasn't her fault his head felt like it was about to fucking explode. And she had a point about Anya's screeching. It was enough to make saint commit murder. Not that Buffy was a saint. No, she had her delightful moments of sin. Candles sprang to mind. And handcuffs. But she looked like an angel when she was riding up and -  
  
"What do you mean, 'girlfriend'?" As he sauntered towards her, Spike flicked his eyes up and down Buffy's body, smirking. "If you're talking about the shagging doesn't that make you - Owwwwww, bloody hell woman! Leave my fucking nose out of this!"  
  
The vampire staggered back clutching his abused face. The stupid bint had probably broken his nose.  
  
Again.  
  
"Shut up, Spike. It's too noisy in here already without you adding to it." Buffy felt a twinge of guilt over hitting Spike. It was a habit she'd been trying to break. But she knew where his train of thought was heading and didn't like the destination. Especially with Xander there to watch the arrival.  
  
And why should she feel guilty? He deserved it the lousy, cheating...damn. Not cheating. Nothing to cheat on. Never was. But still...he deserved it. For disrespecting Giles' shop. Even if it was partly Anya's.  
  
But she was here to stop Xander from causing injury so it might be a little out of line for her to start the violence. Even if Spike had totally provoked her. Stupid, loud mouthed vamp.  
  
And why hadn't anyone got Anya to shut the fuck up yet?  
  
"Will someone please get her to quiet down? She's driving me nuts!" Buffy glared at the other occupants of the room.  
  
"Don't look at me, Slayer. I'm the reason she's gone batty. I'm use to making the ladies scream but this is not my method of choice. If I go near her I'll likely end up with more bruises than you've kindly given me already. You calm her down, if it's bothering you so bloody much. Or, I know, let the boy wonder have a bash. 'Cos I bet she'll respond real well to that."  
  
Spike went back to nursing his swollen nose, occasionally reaching up to bat an ear out of his eyes. Christ, it was worse than when he wore his hair longer, best part of a century ago. At least with hair he could've used Brilcream or the like. And why did the damned things have to flop forward anyway? Why not sideways or backwards? Anywhere but IN HIS BLOODY EYES!  
  
As he let out a growl that strongly resembled a squeal, Buffy crossed her arms and turned her attention to Xander.  
  
"Well?"  
  
"Well what?" Xander looked at her, confusion clear on his face.  
  
The Slayer gave a much more impressive growl before casting her eyes upwards and mouthing 'Why me?' "Do something. Anything."  
  
"Oh right, Spike screws up and you want me to fix it? Not my problem. Unless you want me to finish him off for you. That I can do. And with bleach bunny boy out of the way maybe Anya will calm down. Sounds like a plan to me." And Xander reached down for the axe, feeling more than ready to finish what he'd come there to do.  
  
Trembling slightly and panting for breath, Anya moved to stand in front of Spike, being very careful to not look at him or touch him. Those ears. Oh god, those ears. And the teeth. But she wasn't going to let her former fiancé and current jilter get self-righteous in HER shop.  
  
Buffy had other thoughts as she moved to intercept Xander but her purpose was the same. After all, she hadn't run all the way from Revello Drive to watch. She'd had enough of that sitting in front of Willow's laptop. If anyone was gonna dust Spike over this, it was her. Not that she would. Especially as Anya had stopped screaming and seemed to be getting all defensive of Spike. Which was giving Buffy a very odd feeling in the pit of her stomach. All tight and crampy.  
  
"Both of you leave Spike alone. It's not his fault he's turning into a...bu- into a...rab- a furry demon spawn. If you aren't here to help then leave my shop. No one invited you here. I'm perfectly calm now and I am quite ready to start researching this.transformation." Anya's words were belied by the tremor in her voice and her shaking hands but her body language was clear. Neither Buffy nor Xander was welcome.  
  
Not that that had bothered them in the past. Buffy was always thinking she had the right to be wherever she wanted just because she was the Slayer. And Xander.... Well, he was frequently where he wasn't wanted without noticing. And not where he was wanted. Like in a church. No, Spike might be far less attractive to her than he had been earlier in the evening but at least he was honest with her and understood her. Even if he was incapable of making a wish when it was needed.  
  
As Anya stood defiantly before her ex-lover and his best friend who was more important than his girlfriend and should have been wife on every occasion, the shop bell rang again.  
  
Spike looked up from his sulki... contemplation of the situation as Willow, smirking, and Dawn, looking pissed off, made their entrance.  
  
Su-fucking-perb. The gangs all here. Roll on the humiliation.  
  
"Oh very nice, Slayer! Not enough to have the whelp after my hide, you had to call in the witch and the Niblet. Did you send out an SOS to the Watcher too. Is Soldier Boy gonna pop by for a laugh at old Spike? Even better, why don't you call the Poof cos I bet he'd just love this. You really are a piece of work."  
  
Glaring at the assembled Scoobies indiscriminately, Spike stood up and made for the training room. As he reached the door he turned back for one parting shot.  
  
Only to find himself chest to nose with Buffy.  
  
"Where do you think you're going? We're not here for fun, Spike. We're her because you.because you screwed up again and it needs to be fixed. So you're not going anywhere. Sit."  
  
"Woof bloody woof. Think you've got the wrong beast, Slayer. Long ears, teeth. Rabbit not dog. I'm not at you're beck and call. I'm not gonna come running just 'cos you whistle. Didn't ask for your help, don't want it. Didn't ask you to come running in with you little pals in tow. And staring at me like I'm a freak show exhibit isn't my idea of helping. So sod off. Demon girl said she'd help, done more than the rest of you put together already. I like her. And I don't like any of the rest of you right now. So you sit. Better yet, go on, fetch!" And with that he took the stake she'd been unconsciously waving at him and threw it towards the shop door.  
  
Dawn smothered a giggle and Willow went wide eyed as Buffy's eyes followed the path of the projectile, the Slayer's eyes only turning back at the sound of the training room door slamming shut.  
  
As she looked back at the door and prepared to chase after Spike, possibly to hit him but certainly to yell loudly and repeatedly, Anya slipped in front of her. With her arms crossed and the trembling now almost non- existent, the young woman looked decidedly formidable. And utterly pissed off.  
  
"I asked you to leave. Quite nicely, in fact. I also asked you to leave Spike alone. I think you are rude and pushy and arrogant and...well, not very nice. If you insist on staying then you and your friends may borrow some of MY research books and find a way to help. Quietly. And without upsetting Spike. Or me. This has been very traumatic and you are being very unhelpful. I suggest you follow Spike's advice and sit. And Willow? You should call Tara and be very nice to her as we will probably need a spell and I don't want you doing spells in my shop. You're too dangerous and thoughtless. Dawn, you can help but don't touch anything. You still owe me money. And Xander.what can you do Xander? Except leave. You're usually very good at that."  
  
The group looked on in stunned silence as Xander sputtered and Buffy tried to decide how much she wanted to hit Anya, even if she couldn't. It would be wrong but damn, it was tempting. After all, who was Anya to call Buffy rude? The woman had the tact of a prickly pear. And the manners of a goat. Maybe the wish should have been about Anya instead. If there had actually been a wish, that is.  
  
"I can help! I'm all with the helping!" Xander had finally found his voice.  
  
"Good, if you're helping you can get refreshments and pay for them. I didn't invite you so you're not guests and therefore I don't have to provide for you. I want fresh coffee, I expect Spike will need some blood and your associates will probably want sugary sodas and donuts. Off you go. Try to come back this time.  
  
Anya went back to ignoring Xander and staring Buffy down. The Slayer decided that she wasn't feeling violent, well, not really and went to join her sister and Willow. She was kinda curious how they'd arrived so quickly. She'd expected Dawn to need dragging here, kicking and screaming all the way.  
  
After waiting for a moment to see if Anya would acknowledge him again, Xander headed for the door. Only to stop short.  
  
"Hey, the helping thing? Actually, not with it. Not if it means helping Spike. Bugs Bunny can get his own animal juice. And since when did rabbits drink blood anyway? So I'm going nowhere. I'll just stay and make sure he doesn't do anything else that he'd need dusting for. How's that for helping?" And with that the brunette turned and leant against the doorframe, arms crossed.  
  
"But you wouldn't be helping Spike, you'd be helping me. You keep asking what you can do for me. This is it. I don't want anything else you could offer."  
  
Xander blushed. He wanted to refuse, tell her that he'd been willing to dust Spike for touching her, that he'd do anything to protect her, that he still loved her. But she didn't want to hear it. She was asking him to help her. So he would, even if it meant doing Spike a good turn. He might rage about the unfairness of it inside his head but he wasn't going to risk pushing Anya further away. He needed her. And he'd do anything to make her feel the same way.  
  
He looked up and met Anya's eyes. There was no warmth there but when he nodded he thought he saw the glimpse of a smile on her lips. It was a start. And it was enough to make him straighten his shoulders and lift his head as he finally left the shop.  
  
"Why are you still standing there? I thought you all had things to do of a helpful nature. Well?" The shop's remaining occupants realised that Anya had turned her attention back to them. With a rolling of eyes from Dawn, a glare from Buffy and a timid smile from Willow, they all turned to their appointed tasks.  
  
Only to hesitate as they realised they weren't sure exactly what they were supposed to be doing. Either that or they were reluctant to do it.  
  
"Ummm, Anya? Do I really need to call Tara? After all, we know what happened so..." Willow nervously twisted her hands as she looked from the phone to their new commandant. It was nice to have an excuse to phone her former lover but she was scared of the reception she might get. Tara would help. There was no doubt about that. The blonde witch was so loving and caring and kind and gentle. But she could be very cold when she felt hurt. And Willow had hurt her. Maybe someone else could call and then she could sit back and sneak glimpses of Tara as they researched together.  
  
Dawn broke into her thoughts with a question.  
  
"What do you mean 'we know what happened'? I don't know what happened. I mean, I know about the table and Anya and Spike getting..." She paused as she made vague gestures with her hands. "And by the way, ewwww! We have to research at that table. Couldn't you at least have used the counter? 'Cos you never let me go near the sales till. But what else happened?"  
  
"Yes Willow, what else happened?" Anya turned her stern gaze on the witch.  
  
"Well, you see, er...Buffy might have made a wish?"  
  
"No! No, there was no wishing! Willow, you know I didn't make a wish!" The Slayer looked at her sister and the shopkeeper, who were now staring at her open mouthed.  
  
"Willow, tell them you made a mistake." The redhead blushed at the pleading in her friend's voice and wished she'd kept her mouth shut.  
  
Buffy found herself confronted yet again by an angry Anya and backed up until she was sitting in the chair at the dreaded table. There had to be a way of avoiding the upcoming conversation. She so didn't want to get in to details, especially with her sister there. Although she had nothing to feel guilty for, she doubted that anyone else would see it that way. Even Willow seemed to believe it was her fault. She might get back up from Xander when he 'd finished his snack run but she didn't think it would be soon enough. Oh, boy.  
  
"Why would you do such an idiotic thing as make a wish? Are you really as stupid and inconsiderate as you sometimes seem to be?" Anya felt no need to be tactful. She knew how but she didn't see the point. And Buffy didn't deserve it. Then she realised.  
  
"It's you! You're the one that made Spike all sad and upset. You're why he's been drinking and why he wanted comfort sex. It's you and you're jealous!"  
  
"What? No! That's...that's...so not true. I've got nothing to be jealous of. I don't care if you two want to.do that. It's got nothing to do with me. Uh huh, no way. Why would-"  
  
The Slayer's denial was cut off by a high-pitched scream coming from the training room. As they all turned towards the sound in shock, the door was torn open to reveal a furious Spike.  
  
"Right, that's it. Do you hear me? This is not fucking funny. I've grown a sodding tail!" 


End file.
